a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
