Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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