Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
