Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
