Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
