mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize