just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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