I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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