There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize