He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
