she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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