Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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