If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
