You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
