four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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