I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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