I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
