I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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