i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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