Tell her she can't have a vagina
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
