i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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