cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
