just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
