I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
