haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
