dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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