Duck Duck Cougar?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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