This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
