Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
