Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
