His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
