i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
