Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
