She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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