so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
