I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
