Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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