Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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