Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
