I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
