his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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