I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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