Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
