I wish my penis had an off switch
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I love you.
Bad choice
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
