the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
