I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
