I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
