I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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