dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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