That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I faked an abortion last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
