there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
