1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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