how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
