apparently the secret to your success is patron
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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