Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
