We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
