thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
