So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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