i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
