i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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