dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
