So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she pinky promised me she was 18
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
