Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
