He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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