You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
