mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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