tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
