Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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