speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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