Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
